Cupcakes

I don't want to talk about men. I'm sick of them.

On Sunday night I whipped up a batch of chocolate cupcakes. I was strolling around my local Wally World the Sunday after the 4th of July and I think, "I want chocolate" and I decide that I'm gonna BAKE. Now I haven't baked since high school bake sales, but I will admit that then I was burning it up! I loved to bake back then, but something about college took it out of me -- probably something to do with not having a stove for the first two years...then the last two were taken up by the drinking...hmm.

Anyways so I am making the cupcakes and I'm happy as a lark because life is going as planned (with the cupcakes as a pleasant spontaneity). And then darkness falls and and my life goes down the drain because a man doesn't do what he promised he would do (really I need to learn to take this better....but that's another post). So here I am in my kitchen with 24 chocolate cupcakes, on the verge of a panic attack and thinking, "If I eat even one of these cupcakes I'll be sick...". I decide that I'm gonna take the cupcakes to work (fatten the asses of the masses), so I pack them all up and have them poised to take to work on Tuesday. Of course on Tuesday morning I have nothing to eat for breakfast but cupcakes so I take one out and sit on my sofa (AKA cat scratch toy) and while I'm there I start thinking about my life and all the control that I don't actually have, here's a short listing:

• I can't control if people love me.
• I can't control if people keep their promises.
• I can't control other people's actions towards me or the universe in general.

So I was thinking, "Damn, Soul. You can't do anything..." but there are things I can do. I can control my actions and in order to make myself happy. I can love myself. Better myself. Make & keep promises to myself. So there over that chocolate cupcake, sitting on my sofa I made the decision to go to grad school. I have an appointment with a grad admissions advior. I have a filled out application. I have a request in for my undergrad transcript.

oh, and I have a belly full of chocolate cupcake and fear.